My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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