so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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