Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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