Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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