you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
