it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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