By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Damn victory sex feels great
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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