Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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