ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
