Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
