I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
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