Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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