if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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