I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
