I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
