Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
