he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
