I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i out mim tonsoeep
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