You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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