Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
