people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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