I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish you could order shots online.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
