i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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