What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
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He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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