I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
