Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
