thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
