i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
