so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
