Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i don't like sucking hair
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
