I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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