Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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