Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
