no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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