Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have aggressive nipples.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
