i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
