Already got asked if we're dating
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
