Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
