whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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