a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
