dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
