it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
