can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
