Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
