Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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