If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
