My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
