Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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