I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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