Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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