My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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