Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
