So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
