community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
