I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
