They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
