I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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