Sacagawea was the original milf.
should my penis look like a turkey
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
