Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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