dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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