Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
