It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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