At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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