do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
