90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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