Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
