i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize