just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
sex in a hospital.. check
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
