I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
