Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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